Ca va bien. Merci!

So I just noticed that I am actually a really hard worker. I think I work harder than most because I am not as half as smart as other people. I work harder to strive for what I want. Many people would think that my life has been filled with wishy washy decisions, but to me, it didn’t really matter. I think each thing I did was an experience that I take with me. Like Ryan said, many people don’t even get to experience half the things I have already done in my life. And to an extent, I agree and am very thankful for that to happen in my life.

As I live my life, I really don’t think I have it that bad. I mean, who doesn’t go through ups and downs in life? As long as you are living and smiling, I think that is what counts.

As I am pretty much alone this week, I had a lot of time of silence. Such as…NOW. I mean this week has passed by me really really fast. I really enjoy being in a rather clean and peaceful environment. I mean, yah, I still saw Jones more than 3/4 of this week, but I still enjoyed like 2 days to myself. This week, I felt like I belonged. Like, there is actually a reason for me to love life. I have figured out that living with my family has just really been driving me nuts all these years. Not that I don’t love them, but I guess out of everyone in my family, I am the more independent one. I feel like living alone isn’t a bad idea (except paying for the rent). I am just so tired of the disorganized living arrangement, the mess, the yelling, the screaming, and negativity that may arise in any of the above mentioned.

The more I look at my house, the more I think how my family can function under such circumstances. Like I am seriously really tired of it looking like this. It isn’t that I would not clean it either, it is more the fact that, I really don’t know where to start, and most of this shit isn’t even mine. Anyhow, enough about my family.

Onto my work life…work is good. In fact, I actually like working. It allows me to have fun with cool people. But when it’s busy, it’s really busy. The thing I do not like about is that some people actually work more than other people. It actually kind of pisses me off because it just isn’t fair at all. I mean out of 5 people probably 2 of them actually work. I don’t understand how people pass their work time by doing nothing. But I actually think they clock in, and then leave to go somewhere which is really bullshit. Things like that actually really pisses me off. But life is just actually really unfair. For me, whatever I do, I put 110% into it. (I wish this statement was true for school too >.<). I wouldn’t be doing something else unless I am done with what my job requires me to do or when it is just really slow. But seriously, if its busy I wouldn’t be doing that at all. I suppose I am actually afraid of making mistakes while on a job. I really don’t want to be blamed for anything. I don’t know, I guess I like keeping myself in a safe place if the worst was to happen. Like if a company is to outsource people, knowing that I work harder for the same rate, will hopefully get me off the chopping block. Just that the chances are higher, I would do it. Because not until now that I just really noticed that I really NEED this job, not THIS job, but just a paying job that would fit my schedule in general. For the very first time today, my co-workers invited me to go out with them, but I kindly declined as I can tell they are just being courteous while I was there. But I still felt like at least I am likable enough for them to ask me! ^.^ yay!

School…I LOVE IT! It’s rare for me to say that I love school. I love going to school to meet up with people that I enjoy learning with. I LOVE FRENCH and Theater Arts is whatevers, but it is still a fun class. French pronunciation is kicking my butt, but it’s working!!! hahaha. My French professor gives me compliments here and there and it makes me blush. I guess she likes me! hahaha it’s a good thing! I actually work much harder in French class than people think. I actually try to understand every single little thing. I think what I can improve on is definitely to practice speaking more. But this has been effectively in use with my classmates now. I mean we speak as much as we can until we are just really kinda tired of it. wahahaha! It’s kind of sad to know that some of these people would not be taking French 3 or in fact moving to another country after this semester. But if any of you are reading this, I LOVE YOU GUYS! you guys are the only thing that makes me survive French Deux as everyone else in there just MERDE! hahahahah!

that is pretty much my life, I don’t really want to talk about my love life, as I think it is just o-so-wonderful. (I don’t want to jinx it (X ) I love Jones…THE END! no no no, everything is just dandy. The unconditional support, love, care, and understanding is just amazing. I can’t ask for me and I actually really want to say that I don’t think I will find another like Jones. I really haven’t been so happy in awhile. I am not sure if it is because we are still in the honeymoon stage or if I just feel like I have such a deep connection with Jones. I am not sure what it is. I think we really just stop, think, and communicate. =)

My life could not be much better, I am just happy that at least my room is clean enough, my life is pretty well balanced, and that once I get dance back into my life, I will be a-okay again. Until next time, PEACE OUT!

~Jayne

~ by aiyah301 on April 5, 2008.